So of of you guys have done the whole list of things you may or may not know about you, so here is mine because i do not want to work today.

1. I was thinking about this list the whole time I was on lunch, and now I don't know where to start

2. I think I am the ugly duckling in my family

3 I have very strange dreams often. I wake Will up almost every night that I am there because of them

4 I think I am too hard on my daughter because I feel like she should know better

5 i think my mom is very mean sometimes

6 my mother obviously shows favortism to my brothers, and it's very hurtful

7 i think i am too obsorbed in my relationships, and always have been

8 in the past i have tried to convince myself that i loved men who were not good for me because i did not think i deserved anyone better.

9 i still feel that way

10 it bothers me that Will has not asked me to move in with him and that things are progressing so slowly

11 i think it would be a terrible inconvenience to move in with Will because he lives half an hour away from maks school, and ballet

12 i hate having to get up and go to work every morning, but i hate sitting at home

13 i am terrible with managing my money

14 i don't think Will finds me attractive because he never compliments me

15 i think i'm getting sick

16 i have an IQ of 152

17 i am proud of that because i feel like that's all i have

18 i really miss smoking pot sometimes

19 i really enjoy smoking cigarettes

20 my grandmother had cancer due to smoking, i had to suction the mucus from her lungs

21 that only made me smoke more

22 sometimes i wish will still smoked so that it would be more convenient for me, and i would be able to smoke in his house

23 everyone around me is having a baby, and I want another one so badly

24 Will does not even want to think about having a kid until he is 30, and even then i don't know if he really wants one

25 i know without a shadow of doubt that i want to marry will

26 i think he has a lot of reservations about even thinking about marriage

27 i was never in love with my ex husband

28 i was looking for a reason to dump him when i found out i was pregnant

29 i have always been very jealous of my brother PJ because everyone liked him a lot more than they liked me

30 it's a lot harder to come up with 101 things than i thought it would be

31 everything i own is in boxes in Wills garage because my mother doesn't have enough room in her house for any of my belongings...but there's enough room for everyone elses

32 i am a pushover that will take just about anything before finally taking too much. this usually takes years of putting up with a lot

33 i blame myself for all of my failed relationships, because i feel that if i would have tried harder, than those men would have cared enough to try a little

34 when i babysat for my uncles kids, he paid me $6 and hour, plus a bag of pot. when i quit smoking pot, i felt like i should have gotten a raise

35 i am a very picky eater

36 i hate wearing office clothes

37 in a perfect world, i could wear jeans and a hoodie every day

38 i read a lot. between one and two books every week

39 i LOVE sudoku

40 I was supposed to have a meeting with the VP this morning. it was pushed back until "later." i am completely unprepared for it

41 i am a total nerd.

42 i love math and science

43 if i don't understand a concept immediately, i feel completely incompetant

44 i only have 2 hours left of work for the day, but am tempted to ask to leave early because i don't feel well, even though i don't feel that bad

45 i am paranoid about being late

46 Will is the first person i have ever dated that i thought would break up with me, and that scares me

47 i have never been dumped

48 i have always been able to get any guy i wanted, but then i didn't want them after a month or so

49 it took 2 months of dating Will before i realized I was in love with him

50 every other guy there was that immediate spark that would fizzle quickly

51 even though i slack a lot, i feel like i deserve a raise because i do this job better than anyone who has previously held this position

52 this list is making me feel kind of sad and pathetic about my life

53 I am very proud of my daughter, and feel that all of her good attributes are because of me, and not scott

54 when i try to talk to my mother about my day, very often she interupts to tell me about her day, or sometimes she just walks away, as if anything i say has no impotance

55 my inbox is full because the last week i have been really busy, and now that i have time to catch up on really important work, i am slacking off

56 people disliked me in high school because i was "too happy"

57 i was in a math class with will my junior year, and do not remember him in that class

58 i don't remember much about anything in high school

59 i made an exboyfriend crash his car by giving him road head

60 i like rubber band balls

61 i hate the way my voice sounds on the phone, but i think i do a good job singing karaoke

62 i hate when guys wear their hats crooked

63 i hate when anything is crooked, and feel that all things should be symetrical

64 i use highlighters on a daily basis

65 there are a lot of times that i miss bartending for numerous reasons. the constant cash flow, the constant socialization, and i loved creating drinks

66 for the past several months i have had the strong desire to get drunk

67 i am going to try really hard to not work for the rest of the day

68 i feel guilty that Makenzie has to grow up with divorced parents

69 I fear that Will does not see our relationship to be as important as I do, although he has done nothing to make me feel that way

70 i usually have a new best friend every year

71 I just overheard the VP saying that he has to leave in 5 minutes. that makes me very happy because that means the meeting will not happen today

Thats all for now

morning musings

Things are going a lot smoother now with Seton. She's getting used to being at the house, and is really trying to make things work. She's registered to go to scraft next month, and is working at the milner with ma today. things are still marvelous with Will...i am so lucky that i have him, seriously, he's the greatest guy I could ever imagine being with. We went to the light show on saturday night, Will, mak, Seton and I. it was really nice, then stopped at the end to see santa, have some hot choc, and makie played in the snow. sunday we went to the nutcracker. front row center, it was so great. the people in the pit were talking to makie before the show, so that made her feel very special. The ballet was beautiful, then we went to dinner with ma and seton afterwards.

So in other news...PJ is moving back here next month, with his girlfriend and the two girls. i'm pretty happy about that. i guess he's gonna stay with us until he can find a place. makie is way excited, cause his girls are 6 weeks older, and a year younger than her. it'll sure be crowded in the house though, but it'll be great.

So i've been thinking a lot lately about how i'm losing my best friend. for some reason, i end up getting someone that i'm incredibly close to for about a year or two, then we just kind of drift apart, cause life changes and such. I should be used to this i guess, but it's really bugging me. nae and i were inseperable for a little over a year. we even lived a couple doors down from each other for a few months. we had very similar relationships, and money situations, and life basically. but now, things are different. I've got will in my life, and things are going really great for me and everything, and she's worse off now than she was when we were hanging out. every time i call her, she' bitches about how much her life sucks, and if i say anything at all, if i say something good in my life, she shoots it down because her life is so hard and it's not fair, or if i complain about something then she just says it's nothing compared to how bad she's got it. so basically the whole conversation is her talking and me saying aww, poor nae. it's been this way for months now, and i'm just really sick of it. I just don't know what to do about it. i totally feel like it's time for me to move on, we have nothing in common anymore, but at the same time...she's been my best friend for almost 2 years. she never calls me, so it's always up to me to try to make contact, and she gives me such a guilt trip over not going to visit her, but every time i try to she has plans. i feel like it's really important for a girl to have a girlfriend she can turn to, but i just don't think that she's really there for me like she knows i am for her, which i have proven time and time again.

on top of that, i just don't see where i have time for other people in my life. my schedule is always pretty full, and everyone already complains that i don't have enough time for them. monday-brownies, tuesday-ballet, wednesday-mom night, thursday-will night, then the weekends, if i have mak, im doing stuff with her, if i don't then i do enjoy spending a little time with him. i only see him 5 out of every 14 days. i really don't think thats too much, not even close to enough if you ask me.

I would love to try to get together with some friends that i haven't hung out with in a while, but it seems like everyone is having the same trouble with trying to find free time. i don't know, maybe i'm just trying to find reasons to complain. i really shouldn't, things are going better for me now than they ever have been. work is way busy, but it's great, and they are really trying to keep me challenged, and Will is just super, mak is doing so great in school, they are telling me to try to get her into the ACAT program, cause she's just too darn smart (good thing she takes after me and not scott!) plus my finances are slowly but surely getting in order too. I guess I really should just look at the great things that are going on in my life and try to ignore the minor stuff.